Freaking!

What a crazy day.  I woke up this morning and I was in such a foul mood and was yelling at the hubby.  Then we are getting ready to go out and he closes my sons fingers in the bathroom door (by accident).  My son started crying hysterically (he has a very high threshold of pain and usually doesn't cry when he gets hurt) so I knew he was really hurt.  I wanted to cry for him and take away his pain.  I think hubby felt really bad too, so I had to give him the lecture of making sure he knows where his sons extremities are when he is closing and opening doors.  

In retrospect I know why I was in such a craptastic mood earlier.  I have been freaking out a little bit about tomorrow and I am not really sure why. Well, I know why.  This is a HUGE step for me and the hubby.  In hopes of completing our family.  I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and having to talk myself back to sleep as my heart starts to race and I get monkey mind....yes, monkey mind is a real thing... see for yourself  http://yoga.about.com/od/howtospeakyoga/g/monkeymind.htm  

We had a birthday party to go to today and I was speaking with one of my hubby's cousins and she said  to me "oh if God doesn't want you to have another child then you won't"!  I get mad when people say things like this to me.  What I am a bad person and don't deserve to have another child? I really try and take what people say to me with a grain of salt but that just struck me the wrong way.  Probably another reason why I stay home with my hubby and my son instead of going out.  I am always afraid of what people will say and how I will respond as I am known to give a good tongue lashing.  I know this girl didn't mean any harm so I let her off the hook! :)

Moving right along on our journey!! BCP here I come!