For the past 4 years I have been dealing with people trying to "get it", to try to understand what I am going through. Whether it be about Autism, infertility and everything else in between that has happened in my life. I look sometimes to the people who are closest to me and I feel as if sometimes I am talking to a brick wall. It's very frustrating and continues to happen and some days I don't even want to divulge any information of what is going on as if I feel I am always getting let down.
Today was one of those days and yeah probably yesterday was too. So I constantly look to my hubby for support and I thank my lucky stars that he is so supportive of everything we go through. I really think that if it wasn't for all of this "crap" we have gone through that our marriage wouldn't be as strong as it is. So that is my positive from all of this "crap".
But SERIOUSLY, why can't people just "GET IT"!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Seriously!
Don't give me that god bullshit! I'm so sick and friggin tired of hearing that its gods plan and what he wants! Well if you are offended by this, move on from here then! If not keep reading!
So you mean to tell me that it was gods plan to give me a child with autism, it was his plan to make me have 2 miscarriages and another pregnancy with a baby that had parts of his brain missing!?!?! Really this is a plan? A pretty fu**ed up one if you ask me! His plan to make innocent children suffer and die from cancer? What is that called? His plan? What lesson does that teach? What do they say? With god all things are possible? WTH does that mean to those parents who have lost their children? Their YOUNG AND INNOCENT CHILDREN!!! People need to think before they open up their damn traps. No, this shit is called real life and whether you pray or not pray bad shit happens to you. You as a person is what gets you through it. To each his own and your beliefs!
Think what you want of me with the decisions i have made for me and my family. I am fine with my decision and not one i ever wanted to make but i had to and it was the right one for myself and my loved ones!
Doesn't god preach to not place judgement on others?? It's funny as those who preach the loudest are those that judge the hardest! Shame on you!
So you mean to tell me that it was gods plan to give me a child with autism, it was his plan to make me have 2 miscarriages and another pregnancy with a baby that had parts of his brain missing!?!?! Really this is a plan? A pretty fu**ed up one if you ask me! His plan to make innocent children suffer and die from cancer? What is that called? His plan? What lesson does that teach? What do they say? With god all things are possible? WTH does that mean to those parents who have lost their children? Their YOUNG AND INNOCENT CHILDREN!!! People need to think before they open up their damn traps. No, this shit is called real life and whether you pray or not pray bad shit happens to you. You as a person is what gets you through it. To each his own and your beliefs!
Think what you want of me with the decisions i have made for me and my family. I am fine with my decision and not one i ever wanted to make but i had to and it was the right one for myself and my loved ones!
Doesn't god preach to not place judgement on others?? It's funny as those who preach the loudest are those that judge the hardest! Shame on you!
Monday, February 18, 2013
CD 3 & BCP start!
I about had a panic attack getting ready to go to the RE's office and thankfully for my fellow IF friends they helped me out.
I cried, I wasn't sure why I was crying but I cried and it felt good. I almost feel as if this is the end of the road and in actuality it may be. I have decided to stay strong and positive throughout this and if I need to keep myself in a bubble and not deal with the outside world for the next 6 weeks so I can get a BFP, then I will.
The visit went well, blood work was done and ultrasound as well. I made my next appointment for the IVF class, got my rx for BCP and collected the hubby's SA specimen cup and instructions for him and I went on my way. My RE emailed me my protocol and tentative schedule which looks like this:
February18-Start BCP
March 9 -Take last BCP
March 12 -Return for suppression check (blood work and ultrasound)
March 14- Begin Follistim Pen 225 units & Menopur 75 units (1 vial in 0.5 ml saline) in the evening
March 18, 20,22, etc- Return to the office for follicle monitoring with blood work and us (sometime during this week I will also start Ganirelix 250 mcg every evening)
March 25-30 - Egg retrieval most likely during this week and transfer 3 or 5 days later!!!!!!
It's ALL so real now! I will continue with seeing my therapist who is a lifesaver and has helped me so much through all of my life moments and trials and tribulations which I will get to tell you sometime in the near future and I will also continue to do acupuncture (which is phenomenal and SO relaxing).
"The most important thing in this world is to learn to give out love and let it come in." ~Morrie Schwartz
"Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy." ~Milton Erickson
I cried, I wasn't sure why I was crying but I cried and it felt good. I almost feel as if this is the end of the road and in actuality it may be. I have decided to stay strong and positive throughout this and if I need to keep myself in a bubble and not deal with the outside world for the next 6 weeks so I can get a BFP, then I will.
The visit went well, blood work was done and ultrasound as well. I made my next appointment for the IVF class, got my rx for BCP and collected the hubby's SA specimen cup and instructions for him and I went on my way. My RE emailed me my protocol and tentative schedule which looks like this:
February18-Start BCP
March 9 -Take last BCP
March 12 -Return for suppression check (blood work and ultrasound)
March 14- Begin Follistim Pen 225 units & Menopur 75 units (1 vial in 0.5 ml saline) in the evening
March 18, 20,22, etc- Return to the office for follicle monitoring with blood work and us (sometime during this week I will also start Ganirelix 250 mcg every evening)
March 25-30 - Egg retrieval most likely during this week and transfer 3 or 5 days later!!!!!!
It's ALL so real now! I will continue with seeing my therapist who is a lifesaver and has helped me so much through all of my life moments and trials and tribulations which I will get to tell you sometime in the near future and I will also continue to do acupuncture (which is phenomenal and SO relaxing).
"The most important thing in this world is to learn to give out love and let it come in." ~Morrie Schwartz
"Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy." ~Milton Erickson
Day off, HA!!
Day off, what's that? It's Presidents' Day and everyone is off but us. We may not have school but OT is a must to keep some type of routine for my little guy. So I sit in the waiting room waiting for him to finish.
He seems to not want to listen today either as he decided to dump water all over my dish rack after I just finished putting my kitchen back together. Nice big puddle to clean up! 😹
He seems to not want to listen today either as he decided to dump water all over my dish rack after I just finished putting my kitchen back together. Nice big puddle to clean up! 😹
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Freaking!
What a crazy day. I woke up this morning and I was in such a foul mood and was yelling at the hubby. Then we are getting ready to go out and he closes my sons fingers in the bathroom door (by accident). My son started crying hysterically (he has a very high threshold of pain and usually doesn't cry when he gets hurt) so I knew he was really hurt. I wanted to cry for him and take away his pain. I think hubby felt really bad too, so I had to give him the lecture of making sure he knows where his sons extremities are when he is closing and opening doors.
In retrospect I know why I was in such a craptastic mood earlier. I have been freaking out a little bit about tomorrow and I am not really sure why. Well, I know why. This is a HUGE step for me and the hubby. In hopes of completing our family. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and having to talk myself back to sleep as my heart starts to race and I get monkey mind....yes, monkey mind is a real thing... see for yourself http://yoga.about.com/od/howtospeakyoga/g/monkeymind.htm
We had a birthday party to go to today and I was speaking with one of my hubby's cousins and she said to me "oh if God doesn't want you to have another child then you won't"! I get mad when people say things like this to me. What I am a bad person and don't deserve to have another child? I really try and take what people say to me with a grain of salt but that just struck me the wrong way. Probably another reason why I stay home with my hubby and my son instead of going out. I am always afraid of what people will say and how I will respond as I am known to give a good tongue lashing. I know this girl didn't mean any harm so I let her off the hook! :)
Moving right along on our journey!! BCP here I come!
In retrospect I know why I was in such a craptastic mood earlier. I have been freaking out a little bit about tomorrow and I am not really sure why. Well, I know why. This is a HUGE step for me and the hubby. In hopes of completing our family. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and having to talk myself back to sleep as my heart starts to race and I get monkey mind....yes, monkey mind is a real thing... see for yourself http://yoga.about.com/od/howtospeakyoga/g/monkeymind.htm
We had a birthday party to go to today and I was speaking with one of my hubby's cousins and she said to me "oh if God doesn't want you to have another child then you won't"! I get mad when people say things like this to me. What I am a bad person and don't deserve to have another child? I really try and take what people say to me with a grain of salt but that just struck me the wrong way. Probably another reason why I stay home with my hubby and my son instead of going out. I am always afraid of what people will say and how I will respond as I am known to give a good tongue lashing. I know this girl didn't mean any harm so I let her off the hook! :)
Moving right along on our journey!! BCP here I come!
Trying...
For some reason today was difficult for me to try and stay positive. I really am trying. I need to say this to myself often.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
CD 1
Can't believe this is happening, CD 1. We are on our way to IVF.
Never in a million years would I ever think that I would have to do IVF to have a second child. Who am I kidding, never in a million years would I think half of the crap that happened in my life would ever happen to ME!!!
Never in a million years would I ever think that I would have to do IVF to have a second child. Who am I kidding, never in a million years would I think half of the crap that happened in my life would ever happen to ME!!!
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